Grzzle

“Split”

This is getting out of hand…

Then welcome, astonishing sod ape

tom and max have been bickering like little bitches on facebook and its ridunkulous.

so a few of u have complained i don’t use enough grammar here. “there’s no capital letters” they said. “u sound like maddox having a rant” they said. as this is my blog, i will write as i please. if u don’t like it, go read mike’s (or any of those on my blogroll. oh yeah, i now have a blogroll). i believe he uses grammar of some description now and again, so get ur fix there.

anyway, it’s 2 days before my first exam. the day before the day before is the worst for me.. on the day before, or even morning before, u have good incentive to read through all ur notes and stuff and get it all firmly stuck in ur head. but anything earlier than that.. i have trouble motivating myself to do it, coz doing it tomorrow is a better use of my time (the fact that the time i spend not doing is spent on warcraft or weewar is beside the point). i want it to be the last chance before the actual thing so i can have one last cram, splurge it all out over the exam paper, then forget it. until i need it next year, at which point i get someone cleverer than me (gemma/ed) to teach me it again.

i’ve spent the last few hours downloading and listening to Blue Jam.. one of chris morris’ vulgar creations that had an early morning slot on radio 1 for a few months some years back. it’s disturbing and hilarious, so if ur in a good mood for some reason make sure u download and listen to a couple to get u back on track.

And max, i’m still waiting.

I’d name him Larry

there’s this hobo in south leamington known in these parts as the South Leam Hobo. he has dark dirty straggly hair and an ill-fitted beard. he staggers clumsily from one leg to the other up the road, past somerfield, takes a seat on the bench outside with a Special B before wandering back the way he came. occasionally he has a fag, which always makes me wonder. there’s no way he must’ve nicked it from somerfield coz the cigarettes are kept behind the counter. besides that, as a homeless fella he draws a certain degree of attention anyway. so, he either buys them or a kinder stranger than myself gives him one.

suppose the former. then thats £5 he could of spent on a 4-pack of the special b or even better, a loaf of bread, plastic knife, tub of marg’ and peanut butter/jam. he’d eat like a king for a week. if he were rational, he would not spend his hard-’earned’ mular this way. so, he’s getting them off people on the street. first of all, these people are smokers themselves, or they wouldn’t have any cigs on them. now for me, if i were a smoker, a cig would me more valuable (certainly more expensive) than, say, 20p. if these people are happy to give him a fag, they are surely happy to let him have some small change. but he doesn’t want money, coz he asks for a fag. being an alcoholic isn’t enough. how hard could it be to kick the habit? he can’t be smoking that often coz he is largely ignored by the local residents, who are his only source of the cigs. he’d have more money to spend on bread (or in the worst case, booze) and he wouldn’t get lung cancer… well to be fair, thats probably the least of his worries. it just doesn’t make sense though. if u weren’t so hungry u wouldn’t want a fag so much u old bum. if he doesnt have a facebook group i’m gonna set one up as soon as i get a photo. from across the street.

Chemical

sorry for not posting - i’ve been too busy anticipating tomorrow when i go to casino, see chemical brothers live and turn 21 all in one day… its a full time job see. that and i’ve been largely unable to get into my house recently (but it’s okay now coz i’m back home in st albans)

When is a door not a door? When it’s a mouldy lump of creaky tard

Man i am trapped inside my own house.. the front door to this dodgy-ass house is wedged in the door frame. it’s not even locked, me and mayur (housemate) had to slam it shut as he left as sometimes it jams at the bottom and u have to pull it really hard in order for it to close. so he was outside the house and i was inside so we counted to 3 and slammed it together and it shut and we heard something crack… we werent holding down the door handle down so the little metal bit inside the door is stuck out and it isnt even properly in the frame its at an angle and ali had to climb out the window to get to his lecture.

not even the first time a door has let me down; the door to my cupboard in the kitchen had a loose upper hinge, and the last time i opened it the screws came out and the door started falling… but since i was holding the handle it rotated about the other hinge and snapped it through so it was completely detached from both hinges. it’s now propped up against the wall in the living room.

worse still, the back door (the creaky moldy bastard leading into our garden) doesnt even have a lower hinge. to open/close it u have to lift it up off the ground and carefully rotate it into the open/closed position so that it doesnt break free like the cupboard door did.

if the landlord doesnt come over and sort this mess out the ceiling’s gonna fall down ‘top my head i can tell.

Not just for show

grr if ur planning on buying a router off amazon be sure to get a UK version… the first one i got had a 2-pin EU plug so just be careful. other than that our wireless - SSID grzzle - is up and running. in other news, i have joined the pokersoc here at warwick, tourneys every monday so look out for them as i make good on all those images at the top of the page.

enough about me.. some good news for u guys. mr clegg has written his contribution and it is as marvellous as i am munificent. find it on Clegg’s Enormous Column!

Round 3

well i’ve moved back to uni for my third year, until our router arrives our single modem has to be shared between us all.. in the meantime, check out my techno song on page Enterum.

Disappointing

so i was round my mate joe’s last night for regular game of poker, after an hour or so a few of us wandered over to Spar a convenience store for alcoholic purposes whereupon, whilst gently perusing the various cheap ciders in the fridge, i happened upon a new brand: “electric white”.

if theres anything i pride myself on (and there’s not) it’s having drunk every cider with “white” in the name.. white lightning, white ace, for examples. those are both pretty…. no, alarmingly bad, so i wasnt expecting anything mind-blowing. i said to joe “this is getting out of hand” as i grabbed a couple cans off the shelf.

back in one of the living rooms in joe’s enormous house i kah-lished it open and poured its pale contents into an unfortunate pint glass. for some reason i had a little sniff to see what i was in store for and regretted it immediately. i instantly recoiled out of reflex, as did a couple others round the table with whom i shared the honour.  with a deep breath i knocked back a mouthful and was overcome by its chemical fizz. my taste buds danced over my tongue in terror as i overrode the gag reflex and swallowed.

that was without doubt the worst part of the night, which included losing all my money to ed and sleeping in joe’s dad’s office.

—

i would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused by my reckless slander.

Salient

man i hate those warcraft players where ur just walking along or fighting a tiger or something then they just ride up to u, get off their level 70 horse or whatever and, clad head to toe in all epic shit, smite u down with one mind blast spell before /laugh-ing over ur corpse and riding again off, leaving u thinking “man what a scrotal knobhead”

anyway these last few weeks i’ve mainly been sitting around at home playing hardwood hearts and the above and generally being very bored. to that end i ordered, from a gym equipment website, one of those bars u put across a doorway in ur house - chin up bars. it should prove to slightly reduce the boredom levels.

i was having a go at my sister (16) the other day coz she doesn’t use enough words. if it isn’t mono- or bi-syllabic then it’s either “pokemon” or “yu-gi-oh”. i told her we are fortunate in having learned the english language at birth and that it has the most words of any language. she said she didn’t need to use any long words coz u can say the same thing using shorter words… which is true of course since longer words have definitions comprising of shorter words. but i said the point of having a longer word meaning the same thing is that ur sentence can become more poetic or expressive whilst sounding less clumsy. but she argued that her friends wouldn’t understand what they meant so there was no point anyway. i left it there and went on to ask her if she knew what words such as “arbitrary”and “circumstantial” meant. she said no and went up to her bedroom. now i’m no oscar wilde; looking at my mum’s completed daily mail crossword often has me frowning, but if the words are there u should use them.

incidentally, arbitrary is my favourite word ever.

Facenovel

what has facebook become? once a fun and effective stalker utility but now.. with all these Applications…what a joke it is: -

oooh superpoke me!
see what movies I like!
play crappy poker with me! (tip: pkr.com)
see all my friends in little pictures all at once!
see what music i’m listening to right now!
send me a gift!
send me a free gift!

and if i see any more “if 1 million people join this group jonny will slam his dick in a car door!” groups i’ll hunt said subject down and do it myself.

don’t let them push u around! stick to the original facebook lest facebook become facenovel become facecompleteworksofshakespeare.